Someone better call FEMA, the National Guard and all those other important sounding government agencies. Why you ask? Because my fifteen-year old son is starting driver’s education. Yes, I can hear you screams of terror even now.
Son wanted to start driver’s training sooner, but the ski team came first. So now that all the white stuff has melted away, he was excited to begin. He was constantly pointing out to me how much easier my life would be once he got his license. I was too busy remembering all the car accidents I was dispatched to as a paramedic. The thought of my baby, going 70MPH down a highway in a steel missile terrifies me. However, I swallowed those fears because it’s time for this rite of passage and as much as I would like to, I can’t deny him.
The first day of class, he came home and plopped down on the couch next to me. With a face so gloomy, he looked like Droopy Dog he gave a deep sigh. You know, just to make sure I was aware of his suffering.
“What’s the matter? You didn’t crash the car already did you?” I asked, only half-kidding.
“No, we don’t start drives until next week.” He let out another dramatic sigh, showing boys can be as emotional as girls.
“Then why so glum, chum?”
“It was boring.” He acted as if some horrible crime had been committed. “All they did was show us a stupid movie.”
“What did you expect? Dancing clowns?” I rolled my eyes. “How bad could the movie have been?”
“It was full of old TV stars.” He snorted. “Like I’m going to drive safe because Suzanne Summers tells me to.”
He did have a point. I just couldn’t see him, driving down the road and yelling at a group of buddies, No, I can’t drive faster. Suzanne would be disappointed in me. Don’t turn the radio up loud. She doesn’t like that either.
“I’m sure it’ll get better,” I tried, tying hard not to laugh.
“Yes, maybe tomorrow it will be a movie hosted by the cast of Facts of Life,” he replied with a laugh.
“You watch way too much TV. That show is older than you.”
“Gotta love cable.” He grinned.
“Yeah, just make sure you don’t take any driving tips from the guys from Dukes of Hazzard.”
“Don’t worry, I promise no to take the driver’s ed car airborne. Even if we are being chased by Boss Hogg,” he reassured me.
As he walked away, I didn’t know whether to be relieved or terrified by our conversation. I did know that Son can be damn funny at times when he wanted to be.
So if you are in the Greater Detroit area in the next couple of week and you see a student diver car, run away as fast as you can. Once he has mastered the wheel I’ll make sure to shout our the all clear.
-Stephani
